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coworker retains calling me my supervisor’s “girlfriend,” double query marks, and extra — Ask a Supervisor

It’s 5 solutions to 5 questions. Right here we go…

1. A senior coworker retains calling me my supervisor’s “girlfriend”

Over the previous 12 months, I’ve made an awesome reference to certainly one of my managers, Lucas. He and I’ve an identical work ethic, our senses of humor mesh, we get alongside, and shifts with him go easily and quick. As single individuals in our late 30s who each have by no means been married and don’t have or need youngsters, this has aided in my creating a crush on him. However whereas we’re pleasant and generally is a little flirty, there’s nothing between us aside from mates and coworkers. (Our firm has insurance policies in opposition to administration courting staff, regardless.)

Just lately one other supervisor (Jane, who’s senior to me) was there after I introduced Lucas drinks. Ever since, Jane watches our interactions continuous and teases us. She’s continuously calling him my boyfriend in entrance of my coworkers and telling him that he must study to regulate his girlfriend after I ask her questions. He hasn’t stated something to me about it as a result of I do know his method when individuals are making an attempt to get an increase out of him is to not indulge it. I do know these are center faculty bully actions, however they’re stressing me out. How do I method such an individual, particularly in administration, and inform them so? Additionally as a substitute ought to I inform Lucas how her feedback are making me really feel (whereas leaving out my emotions for him) and let him deal with it as a substitute since she is a fellow supervisor?

What the hell! Lucas must shut this down. He ought to have already shut this down. Apart the ridiculously juvenile concept that women and men who get alongside properly have to be courting, characterizing your relationship that manner at work is borderline harassment. It additionally dangers individuals considering you’re getting particular therapy from Lucas, which may undermine each of you professionally (however significantly you). And “management your girlfriend” is a disgusting factor to say in any context, and is much more wildly inappropriate in a piece one.

So sure, please do speak to Lucas. Inform him Jane’s feedback are making you deeply uncomfortable and really feel like harassment and, given the facility dynamics, you’re asking him to be the one to close it down. If he doesn’t put a cease to it instantly, speak to HR and ask them to close it down; they need to. (Actually, HR may be the higher guess, though since you’ve gotten a very good relationship with Lucas it’s not unreasonable to start out with him.)

Individually, although, it is advisable to cease the flirtiness, nonetheless gentle; it’s misplaced in your relationship along with your boss and it’s actually more likely to make your coworkers uncomfortable.

2. What’s up with my coworker’s fixed use of double query marks??

A low-stakes query: When is it acceptable to make use of double query marks in electronic mail communications at work? A colleague (my peer; we’re each in center administration) has a behavior of together with them in her messages. In various contexts, they vary from:

A.) Making complete sense, conveying a way of urgency for a solution to a time-sensitive query: “Did we would like a stand-up chat about this whereas we’re all within the workplace right now??” (Despatched in the direction of the tip of the day, as a follow-up to a suggestion earlier within the day. The subject of debate was getting fairly tangled through electronic mail, and a stand-up chat was a very good answer.)

B.) Pointless, however solely mildly annoying: “Are we doing any llama grooming panels at subsequent 12 months’s convention??” (Despatched whereas forwarding an idle inquiry from a 3rd celebration, nothing pressing or earth-shattering.) Or “Only a thought …??” (On the finish of an electronic mail the place she suggests one thing — a good suggestion that we will’t implement, however not an pressing subject.)

C.) Downright accusatory: “Did you inform the Alpaca Division we don’t must borrow their shampoo??” (This was despatched to my direct report. We did, actually, must borrow the shampoo. It was an error that created additional work for my colleague, nevertheless it wasn’t a disaster that might sink the corporate. My direct report apologized, and every thing’s nice now.)

Am I off-base in feeling aggravated by C? Is punctuation an acceptable method to sign “you shouldn’t have accomplished that” or “I’m upset by this”?

For the file, I’ve solely seen her use double query marks in communications along with her friends and folks beneath us in our firm construction; I don’t know if she makes use of them in emails to our boss. I doubt it, as a result of double query marks can be inappropriate to incorporate in messages to your boss whatever the context, proper?

My colleague has labored right here a very long time and has been proof against adjustments prior to now few years. She’s additionally a self-described “Kind A” and typically appears annoyed that the remainder of us are extra relaxed. I feel the double query marks contribute to that impression. Nevertheless, she is general nice, skilled, and does her job properly. That is merely one quirk that privately annoys me and my direct report, and I’m simply curious if we’re being too delicate or must reframe our considering. We have now no plans to lift it as a difficulty.

I feel you’re studying an excessive amount of into it! It’s true that double query marks have historically meant shock or additional emphasis, however your coworker makes use of them in so many alternative conditions that it’s simply the best way she writes. It is smart that she doesn’t do it when emailing higher-ups as a result of it’s a much less formal manner of writing; it’s not aggression with you and non-aggression with them, however fairly casual with you and extra formal with them.

Consider it like different bizarre writing habits, like extreme makes use of of ellipses (“hello…”) or possibly the abandonment of intervals in texts (that one’s generational however I inexplicably adore it, whereas the pregnant pauses of all these ellipses irk me). Ignore it! Or be amused by it, an equally good different.

3. Firm is making us work the vacation week they promised we might have off

In an effort to supply extra aggressive advantages, a bit over a 12 months in the past my firm introduced the corporate can be closed from Christmas Day via New 12 months’s Day (paid time for all). This was a major enchancment, as the corporate ranks common to beneath common by way of general advantages. Since then, we’ve employed greater than 5 individuals into our group. Once more, the pay has been not-even-close-to-competitive entry-level wages; typically a promoting level for these people has been this week on the finish of the 12 months off.

Management is now contemplating requiring my group to work that week. We’re not performing work vital to the enterprise. Working from dwelling is just not an possibility for our work. A last resolution nonetheless has not been communicated; the timeline for a agency reply is one other few weeks out. The general public it will impression have no idea there’s a query round what they’re assuming is every week of paid time away.

From my view, it will have catastrophic impacts on morale, retention, and productiveness (with the best way this has been dealt with, who thinks work goes to get accomplished that week?). Outdoors of that, I’ve a global journey deliberate that I’ve meticulously saved PTO for and am planning to leverage the week of vacation time. That’s been within the works for over a 12 months, which my supervisor was made conscious of months in the past. I think about I’m not the one particular person with a visit deliberate that week.

Whereas I perceive the enterprise must require us to maintain issues shifting that week, I don’t suppose reneging on it at this level within the 12 months will yield profitable outcomes, particularly with brief discover and for the individuals we bought these jobs to with this promise inside the final 4 months. Is there something productive I can do with this angst to attempt to assist myself and the others it will impression?

You’ll be able to actually level it out, in the event you haven’t already! It’s significantly egregious that they’re dragging their ft on telling staff, since individuals might be shopping for airplane tickets and making different plans, and it’s additionally egregious that they used this as a promoting level when hiring so lately. If there’s really a enterprise want for employees to be there that week, it’s value asking whether or not everybody must be there; may one or two individuals cowl what must be coated? And in the event that they do want staff there — whether or not one or two or all of you — it will go over much better in the event that they make it value individuals’s whereas financially — additional pay or bonuses, an equal period of time off later, and so forth.

It’s one factor to say, “We’re so sorry, we acknowledge what a hardship that is after our earlier guarantees, it’s crucial due to X, and we’re going to do Y to make you complete.” It’s one other to only be cavalier about it. In the event that they select the latter, individuals are more likely to really feel actually screwed over, and this the form of factor individuals go away jobs over — not essentially instantly, however in time.

4. Former worker’s LinkedIn says he nonetheless works right here

I’m a supervisor working in tech for a Fortune 100 firm. My workforce’s work could be very fashionable proper now and between that and the corporate’s repute, we glance good on a resume.

I’ve an ex-employee who separated from the corporate and took a brand new position six months in the past however hasn’t up to date his Linked In profile to mirror it. That is getting on my nerves as a result of it looks like he’s driving our coattails (and he wasn’t excellent whereas within the position anyway). His job right here has been backfilled and the brand new particular person has the identical title on LinkedIn now. Is there something I can do? Ought to I simply ignore it or let it go? I’m not in contact with him any longer, this simply pops up on my feed once in a while.

Let it go. Possibly it’s a deliberate try to seem like he’s nonetheless employed by your organization, however possibly he simply doesn’t use LinkedIn fairly often and so hasn’t bothered to replace it. Both manner, asking him to alter it could look bizarre and be an overstep.

5. Employer refused to provide me my previous efficiency opinions

One among my requests of HR after I was laid off was that I get my lately accomplished efficiency opinions to take and study from for my subsequent position. I remained on payroll for a few weeks in between after I was knowledgeable of the layoff and my official final day, so I used to be nonetheless an “lively” worker within the system. As a substitute of claiming “I can’t share these with you since you’re not employed,” the chief I made the request to stated, “I’ll look into it,” then waited till after my official final day, after I was marked as terminated within the system (and subsequently my opinions have been archived) to inform me “I can’t entry these.”

Why wasn’t the chief simply sincere with me about why they couldn’t share my opinions? I do know it was most likely a authorized factor, however between feeling blindsided by the layoff then lied to about why I couldn’t have my year-end opinions, I’m having a tough time wanting to return into HR or, frankly, belief anybody in HR to inform the reality.

I wouldn’t assume they intentionally lied to expire the clock. It’s absolutely attainable that they figured, “I’ll get these for her shortly” after which by the point they went to do it, they not may entry them. If it’s simply their coverage to not give them to you, they might have simply simply advised you that. Possibly they lied anyway, however I don’t suppose there’s something conclusive right here.

For what it’s value, some states do require staff to have the ability to entry their personnel information (sadly your state, which you gave me, isn’t certainly one of them). Additionally, this doesn’t aid you now, however sooner or later it’s a good suggestion to maintain copies of evaluations and the rest you may want down the highway, fairly than assuming you’ll be capable to retrieve it out of your employer. Maintain your individual copies and you then gained’t be depending on them to produce them!



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