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my boss renegotiated my new job’s begin date behind my again — Ask a Supervisor


A reader writes:

I’ve simply given discover to depart a job that I like as a result of my supervisor has change into insupportable. I’ll spare you the small print, however for context, this supervisor (let’s name them B) has a detrimental popularity within the firm and the 2 earlier departures from my group have cited abuse from B as their motive for leaving. I’m the third (at the least) to give up due to B.

Simply earlier than I gave discover, a superb new job alternative fell into my lap at a special firm with a begin date at about the identical time I used to be planning to depart.

I attempted to supply 4 weeks’ discover and gave up some PTO to ease the transition. B requested me to talk with the boss at my new job (let’s name her C) to ask for extra flexibility with the beginning date. I agreed I’d name C, however inside an hour of leaving that assembly with B, B known as C themselves to attempt to negotiate a later begin date for me. (The sector is small, so they don’t seem to be strangers to one another, however so far as I’m conscious shouldn’t have any relationship past passing skilled acquaintances.)

C known as me stunned and a bit shaken to have heard unexpectedly from B, and the beginning date for the brand new place was pushed again by a month due to the strain she felt. I caught to my unique discover of 4 weeks anyway, as a result of I’m assured I can wrap up my work in that point, and admittedly, as a result of I’m bored with being bullied and was not excited about being cornered into staying longer ready than I would like.

HR has been conscious of the state of affairs with B from the start and has been supportive of me, however higher administration is hesitant to take any motion regardless of the continued departures. My new function will contain contact with necessary folks in my present group (although not with B), so I would like to keep up a constructive relationship with the corporate whereas I exit.

So, three questions:

• Is it utterly bananapants for my supervisor to have known as my new boss like that, or am I off-base in considering that is wildly unprofessional? I may use some validation if I’m proper to be upset, or better context if I’m not.

• How do I strategy my exit interview? It now appears to be like like I’m leaving as a result of this new alternative got here up, however the fact is that I used to be out the door anyway, 100% due to my supervisor. Ought to I be sincere about my causes to depart, or does offering sincere suggestions run the danger of damaging my relationship with the corporate, given they don’t seem to be inclined to do something about the reason for the turnover on my group?

• How do I strategy what occurred with my new boss once I lastly do begin the brand new function?

Sure, it’s full-on bananapants in your boss to have known as one other firm and tried to push again your begin date. Your preparations with a separate job are none of her enterprise, and that was a wild overstep.

In the event you’d been shifting internally, this sort of dialog typically does occur. However completely not with a separate firm.

Your outdated supervisor and your new supervisor aren’t two mother and father arranging a play date for his or her youngsters. You’re an grownup who makes your individual choices about while you finish your work for an employer. (And good for you for doing precisely that and sticking to your unique exit date no matter what your outdated boss thought she had labored out.)

Ideally your new boss would have shut it down when she bought the decision — saying one thing like, “That’s actually one thing I can solely negotiate with Jane.” However many individuals discover it arduous to close down bizarre conduct within the second, and she or he’s not the one at fault right here; your outdated boss is. Don’t fear about needing to finesse it together with her while you begin; it won’t even come up, but when it does, you possibly can simply say, “I’m sorry about that, I had no thought she’d name you and I by no means would have okayed it had I’d recognized.”

Additionally, do you continue to need your unique begin date? In that case, name up C now and say, “I had no thought B was going to name you and I’m retaining my final day right here as (date) for a bunch of causes. I’d nonetheless love to start out with you on (unique begin date) if that also works in your finish.”

As in your exit interview, in case your sense is that your enter received’t matter, stick to boring solutions. If your organization needs actual enter from folks, they need to ask for it earlier than persons are leaving — and they need to make it secure for folks to supply and will present they take it critically after they get it. Often actual change does end result from an exit interview, however it doesn’t sound such as you’ve seen indicators of that being possible right here. That stated, you might definitely say one thing like, “I feel you’re conscious of why persons are leaving the group, and I’d moderately not rehash these points intimately.” You would additionally point out your boss’s overstep with calling your new employer and say that it’s “indicative of the sorts of points that drove me to consider leaving within the first place.” In the event you do actually need to say extra, although, do it as unemotionally as doable; the much less emotional you sound, the extra credible you’re more likely to appear. However I’m skeptical there could be a lot worth in it, provided that they already know.

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